Infidelity, Betrayal and Shattered Trust
"Very often we don't go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another self. It isn't so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want to leave the person we have become." -Esther Perel
When trust is broken, especially when broken by a loved one, it feels like one's whole world comes crumbling in and the pain is excruciating.
The walls of our proverbial house, are trust and commitment, so when trust is broken it feels like the whole house is ruined and all the dreams within crushed. It can feel so heavy and often hurt so much that one doesn't see a way out. Psychologists have discovered that many people suffer from PTSD symptoms when they discover their loved one has cheated on them. The pain is indescribable and it feels impossible to get out of there 'alive'. Most people believe that if their partner cheated they'd never be able to love and trust them again. And it is completely understandable. But... I've also seen the impossible happen. I've seen couples take this crumpled heap of shattered dreams and rebuild their marriage into something even stronger than it was before. It takes a lot of courage. It takes determination. It takes self-sacrifice (because no, it's not fair that you got hurt and now you need to work on the marriage too.. but that's what it takes). But, for what it's worth, I have seen it happen. And I'd love to help you if you feel you can give this another chance. No, it won't be what it was. But it can be something else. And even stronger.
Let me help you hold your big, heavy feelings while you learn the ways to rebuild your marriage, one with stronger foundations, where you're both building with the same picture for the future in mind. Whilst learning these ways we will also be working on atonement and rebuilding the dreams when you're ready.
Need support on navigating the turmoil after the discovery of an affair?
But if you are requiring my specialized support, to help you navigate the triggers, and contain the turmoil, do contact us to get started. Call now, or send us a message here.
My Affair Discovery Recovery process is offered as an 8-week container first. This gives you two time to see what happened, what this all means, and if you want to move forward (either as a couple or with mentorship, etc). After that, if you decide you want to continue under my mentorship we carry on to 4-months or 9-months. It's very similar to the containers found under my couples tab, except we do a lot more individual work too. The hurt partner needs help with the triggers and the unfaithful partner needs a deeper understanding of why they did it in order to really move on.
It's an intricate process, stitching together the wounds and deciding what comes with and what needs to be cut out. It's perfectly okay to not be sure if you even want to save the relationship or to yo-yo between wanting to and not wanting to. The first part of our process is managing the crisis. No big decisions can be confidently made in a crisis. After we've navigated the crisis, and worked through what happened so you two have a better understanding of what got you here and what would be needed to go on - then can you feel better equipped to decide if you want to work on this further or not.
The Affair Recovery Mentoring Process is in-depth and intense and generally follows the following steps (for the couples, but if you wish to do this without your partner, let me know and I can support you too):
Joint session with both of you (2 hours)
A One-on-One Session with each of you (90-Minutes Each)
The full assessment (roughly 8 hours over 2-3 days)
Two one-on-one BWRT or Somatic Work Sessions
Couples Joint Session
An individual session with each of you
Couples Joint Session (Some people feel confident enough to decide here already if they want to go on or not)
An individual session with each of you
Couples Session and deciding the way forward.
Even if you know you want to work on the marriage sooner, all the sessions are tailor-made to your two's needs and we will work accordingly.