Infidelity, Betrayal and Shattered Trust
"Very often we don't go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another self. It isn't so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want to leave the person we have become." -Esther Perel
When trust is broken, especially when broken by a loved one, it feels like one's whole world comes crumbling in and the pain is excruciating.
The walls of our proverbial house, are trust and commitment, so when trust is broken it feels like the whole house is ruined and all the dreams within crushed. It can feel so heavy and often hurt so much that one doesn't see a way out. Psychologists have discovered that many people suffer from PTSD symptoms when they discover their loved one has cheated on them. The pain is indescribable and it feels impossible to get out of there 'alive'. Most people believe that if their partner cheated they'd never be able to love and trust them again. And it is completely understandable. But... I've also seen the impossible happen. I've seen couples take this crumpled heap of shattered dreams and rebuild their marriage into something even stronger than it was before. It takes a lot of courage. It takes determination. It takes self-sacrifice (because no, it's not fair that you got hurt and now you need to work on the marriage too.. but that's what it takes). But, for what it's worth, I have seen it happen. And I'd love to help you if you feel you can give this another chance. No, it won't be what it was. But it can be something else. And even stronger.
Let me help you hold your big, heavy feelings while you learn the ways to rebuild your marriage, one with stronger foundations, where you're both building with the same picture for the future in mind. Whilst learning these ways we will also be working on atonement and rebuilding the dreams when you're ready.
Need support on navigating the turmoil after the discovery of an affair?
Here is my free PDF.
Otherwise, you can purchase my basic guidebook via Amazon, After The Affair, A Guide To Navigating The Crisis.
Or do my online course, After The Affair, A guide to navigating the crisis. Click here!
But if you are requiring my specialized support, to help you navigate the triggers, and contain the turmoil, do contact us to book your first two-hour session. Call now, or send us a message here.
The Affair Recovery Counselling Process is in-depth and intense and generally follows the following steps (for the couples, but if you wish to do this without your partner, let me know and I can support you too):
2hr session together to meet you both and cover the basics of the current situation together.
Individual Session with each of you. You are each in a very different place, so I need to meet you where you are. Here I will assist you each in your attempts to cope with the crisis.
Then more crisis support sessions together or apart, or starting the assessment process. This includes meeting you both together again, then another two individual sessions (this time to understand your past childhoods better), three online assessments, and a feedback session that gives the way forward for us. This can be done in a workshop (preferably) or weekly sessions.
Then marriage counseling usually begins working on rebuilding the trust and working on what was eating at the marriage in the past.
Individual sessions are highly recommended (with another therapist) for each of you going forward as there is an identity, emotional and spiritual crisis and grieving amidst it all that needs to be addressed often too.