"We're Just so Different"
"I fell out of Love"
"We're just roommates with benefits"
"We're just room-mates - not even with benefits"
"He / She doesn't listen to me"
"We aren't having sex anymore"
"I'll never be able to trust him/her again"
"I'm just staying for the kids"
"I wish we could go back to how we were"
Couples Workshop Options:
Afer years of offering traditional weekly therapy, I've realised that couples need a much stronger, more intensive approach. Working with our most vulnerable moments though (love), doing group work can feel really daunting and overwhelming. Not something I'd want to do myself - therefore I offer private, personalised workshops. No other couples. And personalised for your specific needs!
Premarital Workshops (for new couples wanting to give their marriage a solid foundation). Even for couples who have been married before, that want to give their new marriage a better base.
Couples Counselling & Workshops (for couples who are struggling to communicate, feeling disconnected and alone, or couples who no longer feel in love).
Affair Recovery Counselling (for couples who have been shattered by an affair and need help not only rebuilding their trust but also exploring what was broken before the affair).
Basic Counselling (for couples who have a rather solid relationship but would like the tools to make it stronger).
Discernment Counselling (for when one partner isn’t sure if they want to continue with the marriage or not).
Weekend Intensives (a full weekend of counselling that can include all assessments if they’ve not been done before).
Saturdays / Public Holidays I am happy to come in for a Saturday if you book me for 3 to 5 hours.
Couples Workshops are very useful for:
Conflict Management Skills
Repairing Arguments that keep going around in the same old circle
Repairing old hurts
Building Friendship, Romance & Intimacy
Getting the spark back
Couples struggling with big traumas or infertility
Couples on the brink of divorce (discernment counselling)
Sometimes one cannot get your partner to commit to coming to counselling. In such cases, I can do couples counselling with just one person. This is more psychoeducational (giving tools) than therapy, but also helpful.
"Words are free. It's how you use them that may cost you." -KushandWizdom
It takes two to communicate. And communication is way more involved than just the words said.
If you think back on some of the arguments you've had I'm quite sure you'll find (like I have within my own marriage and friendships) that the most painful fights were by how things were said, it hurt more than what was said! Or how often have you felt that your partner doesn't listen to you? They just 'shut down' when you're trying to discuss something and you land up feeling like you're talking to a wall. Couples counselling is a great way to help you both communicate without nagging or breaking the other down, but building your bridges and creating deep, powerful connections again.
Empathic listening vs 'Fixing'
video: Phil Dunn / Youtube
"Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional." -Max Lucado
Communication skills are core to conflict management too. When we understand the skills of communication we are far more able to handle differences and conflict better. Good marriages are not based on never arguing, but on being able to argue better (and to fix things when the arguments didn't go so 'well')! I am here to give you tools to understand those arguments that have just been going round and round and get uglier each time. I'm here to help you fight cleaner so that there is direction afterwards and not resentment. I am here to teach you how to prevent saying what you'll regret and hurting the one you're actually fighting for connection with.
Most arguments aren't about the solving of the problems but learning to dialogue and understand each other's perspectives better so as to easier be able to achieve compromise!
"Compatibility doesn't determine the fate of a marriage, how you deal with the incompatibilities, does.” ― Abhijit Naskar
Infidelity, Betrayal and Shattered Trust
"Very often we don't go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another self. It isn't so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want to leave the person we have become." -Esther Perel
When trust is broken, especially when broken by a loved one, it feels like one's whole world comes crumbling in and the pain is excruciating.
The walls of the house are trust and commitment when trust is broken it feels like the whole house is ruined and all the dreams within crushed. It can feel so heavy and often hurt so much that one doesn't see a way out. Psychologists have discovered that many people suffer from PTSD symptoms when they discover their loved one has cheated on them. The pain is indescribable and it feels impossible to get out of there 'alive'. Most people believe that if their partner cheated they'd never be able to love and trust them again. And it is completely understandable. But... I've also seen the impossible happen. I've seen couples take this crumbled heap of shattered dreams and rebuild their marriage into something even stronger than it was before. It takes a lot of courage. It takes determination. It takes self-sacrifice (because no, it's not fair that you got hurt and now you need to work on the marriage too.. but that's what it takes). But, for what it's worth, I have seen it happen. And I'd love to help you if you feel you can give this another chance. No, it won't be what it was. But it can be something much stronger.
Let me help you hold your big, heavy feelings while you learn the ways to rebuild your marriage, one with stronger foundations, where you're both building with the same picture for the future in mind. Whilst learning these ways we will also be working on atonement and rebuilding the dreams when you're ready.
Need support on Navigating the turmoil after the discovery of an affair? Read more here..
"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." - Robert H. Schuller
One of you clinging to your marriage and the other feels there's no use, no hope left? Then Discernment Counselling is the best way to help you both see clearly your goals and needs. It helps you to see if couples therapy is a possible option or gives you both better clarity and understanding if divorce really the better option.
To my knowledge, there is no one else in South Africa that is trained in Discernment Counselling. Regardless if you are the 'leaning in' spouse (the one who still has hope) or the 'leaning out' spouse (the one who doesn't have hope), both of you will benefit from this (maximum) 5 session assessment and clarification process. Even if the end decision is divorce, you both will know a lot more and have more confidence and direction in your decision.