How to SAVE your Relationship!?
Updated: Aug 12
Saving a relationship is never an easy task, and it requires a lot of effort, communication, and dedication from both partners. You can use these tips and implement them from your side so long. Here are some steps that may help you in saving your relationship:
1. Identify the issue: The first step towards saving your relationship is identifying the issue or issues that are causing problems between you and your partner. It could be communication problems, trust issues, or other personal problems. It's also often deeper rooted than we realize. Many issues are from unresolved childhood traumas. Our first relationships (with our parents and peers) lay the blueprint of what we expect in future relationships on a subconscious level. You can do my relationship assessment to see what's really going on in your relationship if you're uncertain.
But if you had to ask yourself "What did I wish my parents did differently in their relationship" and apply that to your own relationship, you should get quite a clear indication of the deeper issues.
2. Communicate: Communication is key when it comes to saving a relationship. Talk to your partner about your feelings and be open to listening to their side of the story. Be open and honest with each other and try to find a way to work together. If this is hard to do, be sure to check out my YouTube channel with different videos that could help or chat to me.
3. Take responsibility: It takes two to argue. No matter if the situation is 1% your fault or 50%, take responsibility for your actions. Apologize to your partner and let them know that you are willing to work to make things better. Remember, regardless of if you're 99% to blame or only 5% to blame for the relationship situation, you have to own 100% of your part! When each owns their part, then convincing each other is removed and you two can focus on the healing. If you're quite anxious be careful not to control / nag / cling. It can feel suffocating to the other and make them feel even more keen to get out. Get yourself support to help you build your confidence and self-trust during this difficult time.
4. Seek help: If you are struggling to save your relationship, don't be afraid to seek help. I'm happy to help, otherwise, you can see a couples counselor or therapist in your area to help you work through your issues. You can set up a free call with me here. If you choose to see someone local (in person) please check that they can help you somatically and if they do BWRT - I highly recommend it.
5. Make time for each other: In today's busy world, it's easy to put your relationship on the back burner. Make time for each other, whether it's a date (day or night) or simply waking up 20 minutes earlier to spend that time together at home. Be sure to find that time. Prioritize it. Maybe it's waking up a half hour earlier so you two are alone before the kids wake up? It can be for a nice cup of tea and a chat - I wouldn't put pressure on sex for those times. Unless it's something you both want to do. Sometimes that is the case, but many times one of you might be needing the trust to feel better before sex can be considered.
6. Show appreciation: It's important to show your partner that you appreciate them. Say "thank you" and show them that you care. Even small gestures can make a big difference in your relationship. You might think they know you appreciate them - but your words often mean more than you realize. I have a super fun Family Jar Challenge in my course, The Ultimate Relationship Toolbox.
7. Be patient: Saving a relationship takes time. Don't expect things to change overnight. Be patient, and persistent, and continue to work together to make your relationship better. Too many times people say "But I tried that he still..." - consistency is key.
Remember, saving a relationship is a two-way street and requires effort and dedication from both partners.
If you're unhappy in the relationship and your partner isn't interested in fixing things please know divorce doesn't cause broken homes, it's a symptom of broken homes. If you've tried to make your relationship work, and share your desires and needs with your partner, and you've been neglected or treated badly for years then perhaps the ending of the relationship could be the permission slip you needed to find happiness in yourself again.
NOTE: ALL situations are unique. This is very generalized advice and not intended to be used as therapy. Seek personal support if you want personalized answers.