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  • Writer's pictureTehilla Luttig

13 Things Emotionally Healthy Couples Don’t Do

And what they do instead.




  1. Healthy couples don't leave their relationship on autopilot; instead, they actively prioritize and nurture their bond.

  2. Healthy couples don't compete over who is more tired or stressed; they support each other and share their burdens.

  3. Healthy couples don't engage in passive-aggressive behavior or tit-for-tat exchanges; instead, they focus on resolving issues proactively with open communication, preventing resentment and problems from escalating.

  4. Healthy couples don't expect their partners to read their minds; they clearly communicate their needs, values, desires, and expectations through meaningful discussions, avoiding assumptions and ultimatums.

  5. Healthy couples don't blame others or play the victim; they take responsibility for their actions and seek help when necessary.

  6. Healthy couples don't speak negatively about each other to friends or family; they maintain loyalty and address issues directly. They have the safety and capacity within their relationships to be able to share without punishment or emotional explosions.

  7. Healthy couples don't limit celebrations to anniversaries or birthdays; they find everyday reasons to cherish and strengthen their relationship.

  8. Healthy couples don't manipulate each other with emotional withholding or silent treatment; or resort to insults or demeaning language; they focus on emotional regulation, responding with emotions appropriate to the situation and making repairs as needed. They address personal triggers and get support when needed.

  9. Healthy couples don't compare each other to others; they appreciate and accept each other's unique qualities and life changes.

  10. Healthy couples don't maintain inappropriate friendships; they keep boundaries that both feel comfortable with.

  11. Healthy couples don't isolate their struggles; they share and face challenges together. They’re not scared to share vulnerabilities, because they’re both shown respect and safe containers for those conversations. And they don’t take others moods personally, but have enough self-healing to know it could be many reasons.

  12. Healthy couples don't give up; they know that sometimes things are tougher than others, and that no one is perfect. They live on faith, grace, compassion, and belief in each other.

  13. Healthy couples don’t rely on love alone; they know it takes commitment, choosing, active contributions, and sometimes difficult conversations to make their relationship blossom.


Life; Tehilla Luttig; Relationship Coach;
Wife, Mom, Licensed Counselor, Coach, Writer, Figure-outer-of-lifer, Dedicated Learner

Written by Tehilla Luttig

Licensed Mental Health Counselor (Registered Counselor, South Africa)

The Relationship Factor Coach


Ex play-therapist now global coach helping individuals and couples reclaim their happy in love, life and relationships.


Her focus is on healing the relationships with our past and our selves, build our emotional capacity, and give clients a multi-disciplinary psychology-based toolbox.

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