Tehilla Luttig
Tehilla Luttig
Author · Relationship & Identity Coach · Speaker
Author · Relationship & Identity Coach · Speaker
The Course
The Ultimate Relationship Toolbox is a collection of the TOP tools I have gathered, built, tried and tested over the last decade. These are the same tools my private clients fly in to see me for. Now available in a self-paced course.
It's called the ultimate - because in all honesty, I haven't found anything like it (and I love studying so have done hundreds of courses).
"I enjoyed the course tremendously and have great respect for Tehilla's wisdom, insights, research and the compassion with which she helps us to come to grips with many challenges that we as couples are grappling with on a daily basis. Thank you - well worth it!"
CG. Clinical Psychologist
“WWWOWOWWW. Mind blown! We could easily identify our ‘injury’ and we will keep this in mind going forward. How valuable to now understand why we act the way we do. THIS was AMAZING! Made me tear up! I will practice this!! Really enjoying this! Thanks!”
Kat C., Mom & Wife
Stop having the same fight in different clothes.
Understand what’s actually happening underneath the arguments, distance, resentment and misunderstandings, and learn practical tools to help you communicate, repair, reconnect and build a relationship that feels good to be in.
Because you don’t need another communication script.
You need to know what you’re actually dealing with, and which tool to reach for when things go sideways.
Love can be natural but relationships take eq and skills.
You can love each other deeply and still be exhausted by the way you’re relating.
Maybe nothing is dramatically “wrong.”
You’re still together. You still love each other. There are good days, funny moments, family WhatsApps, kisses goodbye and plans for the future.
But there’s also that thing.
The conversation you’ve had 47 times.
The tiny comment that somehow becomes a two-hour argument.
Trying to explain what you need without sounding critical, needy or ungrateful.
Wondering how to bring something up without your partner getting defensive.
Feeling like you’re speaking English and they’re hearing Swahili.
Swallowing something because dealing with it feels more exhausting than carrying it.
Being the one reading the relationship books, sending the podcasts and trying to figure out what needs fixing.
Or lying next to someone you love and wondering how you became so far apart.
Relationships can become incredibly hard work when you don’t understand what’s actually happening between you.
And sometimes the harder you try to fix the wrong problem, the more exhausted you become.
The problem is rarely the problem.
Communication is usually a symptom not the real issue. This course will help you get behind core issues, and what to do about it.
Because the problem isn’t always the problem.
You argue about the dishes.
But perhaps underneath the dishes is I feel like everything is my responsibility.
You argue about how much time someone spends on their phone.
Underneath it might be I miss you. I don’t feel important to you anymore.
One person asks a question.
The other hears criticism.
One tries harder to talk.
The other withdraws.
So the first person pushes harder.
The second retreats further.
And suddenly you’re fighting about how you're fighting and neither of you can remember what started it.
This is why simply learning “better communication” often isn’t enough.
Communication matters enormously. There are plenty of communication tools inside this course.
But a communication tool can’t fix every relationship problem.
PLUS: THE “PLEASE JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING I CAN ACTUALLY USE” BONUSES
Because understanding why you do something is wonderful.
Understanding it at 11:47pm while you’re lying in bed furiously replaying an argument is less useful if you still have no idea what to do.
So the Toolbox also includes practical resources to help you take what you’re learning out of the videos and into real life.
8. ARE WE ACTUALLY BUILDING THE RELATIONSHIP WE WANT?
Rewriting Your Relationship Blueprint
Most of us never consciously decided what partnership should look like. We absorbed it from our parents, culture, previous relationships and all the things we swore we’d never repeat, then somehow found ourselves repeating anyway.
Pull the pieces together and look at what you want to keep, what needs to change and what kind of partnership you’re intentionally creating. Instead of waiting for the relationship to magically become better, you’ll build a shared picture of what “us” actually means and the habits that support it.
7. WHEN DID WE BECOME ROOMMATES WHO SOMETIMES HAVE SEX?
Intimacy, Desire & Connection
You can love someone deeply and still wonder where the flirting, touching, playfulness and wanting-each-other went. And once sex becomes another thing someone wants more of, avoids, feels rejected around or feels pressured about, the distance can grow quickly.
Understand some of the emotional and relational dynamics underneath desire and intimacy, why two people can experience closeness very differently, and how to nurture connection without turning affection or sex into another performance review for the relationship.
3. HOW CAN TWO PEOPLE EXPERIENCE THE SAME RELATIONSHIP SO DIFFERENTLY?
Understanding Each Other’s Worlds
You’re thinking, How can you possibly not see this? Meanwhile, your partner is probably wondering the exact same thing about you.
What feels like love, support, pressure, rejection, closeness or respect to one person may land completely differently for the other.
Learn to recognise the different filters, needs and expectations you’re each bringing into the relationship, so you can stop arguing over whose version is right and start understanding what the other person is actually experiencing.
2. WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS EVEN WHEN WE KNOW BETTER?
The Patterns Running Underneath Your Relationship
You promise yourself you won’t react like that again. Then they use that tone, pull away, criticise, dismiss you or say the one thing that hits your nerve, and suddenly you’re right back there.
Discover the attachment wounds, protective habits and conflict patterns that can turn two perfectly reasonable adults into versions of themselves they barely recognise.
When you understand what keeps getting activated underneath the fight, you can finally interrupt the cycle instead of replaying it.
1. WHY DOESN’T IT FEEL LIKE IT DID IN THE BEGINNING?
The Three Phases of Love
Remember when talking for hours was easy, touching happened without thinking about it and you genuinely couldn’t wait to see each other? Then somewhere between work, kids, responsibilities and real life, you became less lovers and more people running a household together.
Understand what actually happens as love changes over time, why losing that early intensity doesn’t mean you chose the wrong person, and what helps create closeness, fun and connection again.
BONUSES:
BONUS 1: THE RELATIONSHIP WORKBOOK
Don’t just nod along thinking, That is SO us, and then forget it by Thursday. Use guided exercises and prompts to identify your own patterns, connect the lessons to your relationship and work through what actually needs your attention.
BONUS 2: RESENTMENT-BUSTING GUIDED VISUALISATION
For when you’re carrying a mental spreadsheet of everything you’ve done, everything they haven’t done and all the reasons you’re pissed off about it. A guided practice designed to help you explore and loosen some of the emotional weight you’ve been carrying.
BONUS 3: PARENT, ADULT & CHILD EGO STATES TRAINING
Ever hear yourself talking to your partner exactly like their mother and think, Who even AM I right now? Learn how couples accidentally fall into parent-child dynamics, why it kills equality and connection, and how to recognise when it’s happening.
Self-paced. Practical. Designed for couples or individuals.
BONUS 4: QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU ACTUALLY TALK AGAIN
For the date nights where you finally get time alone, sit opposite each other and somehow end up discussing school lifts and whether you need toilet paper. Use these questions to rediscover the person underneath the logistics.
BONUS 6: WEEKLY RELATIONSHIP COMMITMENTS
Because “we really need to work on us” is not a plan. Turn good intentions into small, realistic practices you can actually bring into an already-full week without making your relationship another exhausting item on the to-do list.
BONUS 7: MY RELATIONSHIP BOOK & APP LIBRARY
Skip the endless scrolling through relationship advice wondering what’s actually worth your time. Get my recommendations for resources I genuinely believe can help you understand yourself, your partner and relationships more deeply.
8 modules. 45+ lessons. Years of relationship work distilled into one toolbox.
What We Do
Inside the Course
6. HOW DID A CONVERSATION ABOUT THE DISHES BECOME THIS?!
Fighting Without Destroying Connection
The argument starts with dishes, money, parenting, your mother-in-law or somebody being seven minutes late. Twenty minutes later you’re fighting about whether you’re loved, respected, appreciated or alone in this relationship.
Learn how to recognise what you’re actually fighting for, navigate difficult conversations without turning them into courtroom trials, repair after things go wrong and apologise in a way that actually repairs something.
The goal isn’t never fighting. It’s not having every disagreement become evidence for everything that’s ever been wrong.
5. WHY AM I THE ONE CARRYING THIS RELATIONSHIP?
Becoming Partners Again
If you’re reminding, organising, fixing, checking, anticipating and trying to get another adult to do their part, it’s very easy to slide from partner into manager. And then wonder why you feel resentful and they feel controlled.
This section looks at the habits you bring into relationships too, including overfunctioning, boundaries, responsibility and the ways good intentions can create unhealthy dynamics.
Stop trying to manage your partner into becoming who you need them to be, and learn how to show up powerfully without abandoning yourself.
4. WHY DOES EVERYTHING I SAY COME OUT WRONG?
Communication Tools for Real Conversations
You carefully explain what you mean. They hear criticism. You try again. They defend themselves. Now you’re explaining the explanation, getting increasingly frustrated and somehow discussing six unrelated incidents from 2019.
Learn practical communication tools for saying the difficult thing without burying the actual message, listening without immediately preparing your defence, and getting underneath what each of you is really trying to say.
Less walking on eggshells. Less mind-reading. Far fewer conversations that leave you wondering what the hell just happened.
If all you have is a hammer, everything starts looking like a nail.
Sometimes you need a communication tool.
Sometimes you need to understand an attachment injury.
Sometimes resentment has been quietly collecting interest for years.
Sometimes someone needs a boundary.
Sometimes someone needs to take responsibility.
Sometimes you’re stuck in a pursuer-withdrawer pattern and both of you are accidentally feeding it.
Sometimes you’re trying to get your partner to regulate something that actually belongs to you.
Sometimes you need to repair trust.
Sometimes you need to stop solving anything for five minutes and actually understand each other.
And sometimes the fight you’re trying desperately to resolve isn’t really about the thing you’re fighting about at all.
That’s why I created The Ultimate Relationship Toolbox.
Not to give you one more relationship formula.
To help you understand the psychology underneath what happens between people, recognise the patterns you’re getting caught in, and have a whole range of practical tools available when you need them.
Imagine not having to work this hard at the wrong things anymore.
Imagine not spending half the evening rehearsing how to bring something up.
Not searching for the perfect sentence that will somehow prevent your partner from getting defensive.
Not wondering whether you’re too sensitive, they’re emotionally unavailable, you have terrible communication, you chose the wrong person, or Mercury is simply having an unusually aggressive retrograde.
Imagine having an argument and being able to recognise:
Hang on. I know what’s happening here.
Imagine understanding why something hits you so hard.
Why your partner shuts down.
Why you chase reassurance.
Why you people-please and then become resentful.
Why the two of you can genuinely love each other and still accidentally make each other feel unsafe, unseen or unimportant.
And most importantly:
Imagine knowing what to do next.