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Tehilla Luttig

Tehilla Luttig

Author ·  Relationship & Identity Coach · Speaker

Author ·  Relationship & Identity Coach · Speaker

The 8 Week Relationship
 

Communication break down, resentment, loneliness and the same fights over are symptoms not the problem.

Eight weeks of private sessions with me.

You will see exactly what is going on in your relationship in the first session.

The other seven are for changing it.

Private. On your own or together. Your schedule.
$3200*

 Reset

Most relationship work starts with communication. Weeks of learning to say things better, while the thing underneath keeps producing the same fight in slightly nicer words.

 

This starts somewhere else.

 

It starts with who you have been inside the pattern, where you learned to be her, he learned to be him. Because the part of this you can actually change is you. And when that shifts, the pattern has nothing left to hold onto.

 

Your partner does not have to be in the room. It works either way.

You have read the books. You have tried the scripts. You know about I-statements and love languages and taking a twenty-minute break when things get heated.

 

And you are still having the same fight.

 

Not the same topic. The topic changes. The dishes, his mother, the way he said it, the thing he didn't say. But underneath the topics it is one fight, and it has been running for years, and you can feel it starting before either of you has said anything.

 

That is not a communication problem.

What happens in session one?

Before we meet, you complete a detailed history. Not a tick-box intake form. The real thing: your family, your first relationships, what you learned love required of you, what happened when you needed something and didn't get it.

 

I read it before you arrive. We do not spend our first session on background.

 

We spend it on recognition.

 

By the end of ninety minutes you will be able to say: this is the pattern, this is what sets it off, this is what I do inside it, this is what he does, and this is why we have both been doing it for eleven years without meaning to.

 

Most people cry in this session. Not as much grief as it is from relief.

​

Because the things you have been calling your personality are mostly not your personality. Anxious. Too much. A people pleaser. The one who shuts down. The one who has to keep the peace.

 

Those are not who you are. Those are what you built, at eight years old, in a house where they were necessary.

 

Session one takes them off you.

Image by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen

FIVE: Boundaries That Protect You Both

Not walls, and not ultimatums. Boundaries are the difference between a request and a decision, and most people have never been shown which one they are making. This session is the one that changes how you operate, and it comes before resentment for a reason.

SIX: Permission to release the resentment

SEVEN: Trust and Intimacy. Even if you're not into sex anymore.

EIGHT: Forward Renewed

Now that you have the framework, we sort it. This one is his. This one is yours. This one is yours for staying quiet about it since 2019. That sorting is not possible without week five, and it is the difference between releasing resentment and just rehearsing it.

Rebuilding closeness in a way that respects your body and your history. Including the trust that was broken long before he was in the picture.

Not who you want to become. Who you have been underneath all of it, now that the armour is off and you have the equipment. We write your commitments from there. To yourself first, then to the relationship. Vows written from something already true hold in a way that aspirational ones never do. A reclamation of self.

ONE: The Patterns We Learned

Your nervous system and your attachment history, but not as theory. As an explanation for why you do the thing you do before you have decided anything. This is where we separate what is you from what is armour.

TWO: Communication. Properly.

THREE: Managing Conflict Better. Much better.

FOUR: Anger & Shame Cast Long Shadows

Scripts fail because they are designed for a calm person and you are not calm when you need them. We work on the needs and values underneath the argument, so you stop negotiating about the dishes and start speaking about the thing the dishes are standing in for.

The goal is not to fight less. The goal is to fight without damage. How to recognise when your body has taken the wheel, how to stop mid-spiral, how to repair afterwards, and why pushing through a fight to resolve it tonight makes it worse every single time.

The two emotions you were most likely taught to hide. Anger is information about a boundary. Shame is the reason you cannot say what you need. We work with both, in your actual body, not as concepts. You don't need to be good at 'feelings' or even like them to be able to do this.

The Eight Weeks

Our solutions

You gave us hope and shed light when things felt dead and dark and you somehow managed to make this mess not feel so ugly. I just wanted to say thank you for the safety of your space, I never once felt judged. Seeing my husband open up to you also reminded me of how special this space is.
So I just wanted to say thank you again.

I wish we did this years ago already, but I'm so glad we found you. Thank you.

​

N. South Africa

Why private sessions are different to the group program:

The trigger work actually happens.

 

Deep pattern work is not group work. In private sessions we can go directly at the thing driving the reaction, with subconscious and parts-based tools, in the moment it comes up. That is the single biggest reason people move faster here.

The pattern is yours, not a general principle.

 

We are not discussing what tends to happen in relationships.

 

We are discussing what happened in yours, on Tuesday, and what you did with your face when he said it.

Privacy to process.

 

Some of what needs to be looked at, you are not going to say on a group Zoom call.

 

You know which parts.

The pace bends.

 

If week six lands hard, we stay in week six. Nobody is waiting for you.

what you get

Eight private 60-minute sessions, delivered over 10 weeks

Full written history taken before we begin, and read before your first session

Trigger and pattern work in-session where it is needed

Two weeks of built-in flexibility, so illness or travel or a hard week does not break the container

12 Years of Studies wrapped up into 8 weeks. Personalized for you.

Image by Billy Huynh
Image by Rod Long
Image by Kym MacKinnon
Image by XS Xue

CHOOSE YOUR FORMAT

PRIVATE INDIVIDUAL $3,200
 

  • Eight 60-minute private sessions

  • Delivered over 10 weeks

  • Your partner does not participate

  • Full history taken before we begin

  • Your written blueprint at the end

    $400 per week / $1,600 per month

PRIVATE COUPLE $4,800
 

  • Eight 90-minute sessions, both of you in the room
    Two Individual 45 Minute Sessions for trigger work if needed.

  • Delivered over 10 weeks

  • Full history taken from each of you before we begin

  • A shared blueprint, plus what each of you is taking responsibility for

    $600 per week / $2,200 per month

​

My private rate is $500 for 60 minutes. The couple sessions are longer because two people cannot do this work in an hour, and there are two histories to hold rather than one.
 

South African clients: email me and I will set up a ZAR checkout so you are not paying conversion fees.

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ONE: The Patterns We Learned

Your nervous system and your attachment history, but not as theory. As an explanation for why you do the thing you do before you have decided anything. This is where we separate what is you from what is armour.

TWO: Communication. Properly.

THREE: Managing Conflict Better. Much better.

FOUR: Anger & Shame

Scripts fail because they are designed for a calm person and you are not calm when you need them. We work on the needs and values underneath the argument, so you stop negotiating about the dishes and start speaking about the thing the dishes are standing in for.

The goal is not to fight less. The goal is to fight without damage. How to recognise when your body has taken the wheel, how to stop mid-spiral, how to repair afterwards, and why pushing through a fight to resolve it tonight makes it worse every single time.

The two emotions you were most likely taught to hide. Anger is information about a boundary. Shame is the reason you cannot say what you need. We work with both, in your actual body, not as concepts. You don't need to be good at 'feelings' or even like them to be able to do this.

The Eight Weeks

Our solutions

What happens in session one?

Before we meet, you complete a detailed history. Not a tick-box intake form. The real thing: your family, your first relationships, what you learned love required of you, what happened when you needed something and didn't get it.

 

I read it before you arrive. We do not spend our first session on background.

 

We spend it on recognition.

 

By the end of ninety minutes you will be able to say: this is the pattern, this is what sets it off, this is what I do inside it, this is what he does, and this is why we have both been doing it for eleven years without meaning to.

 

Most people cry in this session. Not from grief. From relief.

 

Because the things you have been calling your personality are mostly not your personality. Anxious. Too much. A people pleaser. The one who shuts down. The one who has to keep the peace.

 

Those are not who you are. Those are what you built, at eight years old, in a house where they were necessary.

 

Session one takes them off you.

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