How to get over your break up?
Updated: Jul 9
Getting over a relationship can be very difficult, but here are some steps that you can take to make the process of getting over your break up easier:
1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions: It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused after a break-up. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and don’t try to suppress them. If you are scared to, then get someone you trust to hold space for you while you feel them. And of course, if you're worried about what you could do to yourself, please do not hesitate - call a local helpline, hospital, family or friend, or police station. You do get over grief. I promise you you can. The pain does change. Allowing yourself to feel the feels, allows them to be processed instead of bottled in. Bottled in emotions go stale and explode or implode. But feeling the feelings (as the name implies) allows you to heal.
2. Cut off contact with your ex: If possible, avoid contacting your ex for a while to give yourself time to heal.
If that's hard to do because of children, find a way to implement parallel parenting plans if possible. Or keep handovers as brief as possible.
3. Focus on self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that make you happy. Self-care can be as basic or extravagant as you wish, but its about taking care of your self. Some days it might be staying in bed for a good cry day, and other days hitting the gym. But looking after you is the priority. Too much time on ones own can sometimes make the loneliness too stark and gives your mind too many what if scenarios for your own good. Check in with yourself and look after you!
4. Seek support from friends and family: Reach out to your loved ones and lean on them for support during this time. Talk about your feelings and allow them to be there for you. I once heard Oprah say she faces each show knowing there is not a feeling she feels that someone else hasn't felt and safely gotten through. You are not alone in this. It's okay to need extra love from loved ones now.
5. Consider talking to a therapist: Therapy can help you process your emotions, identify patterns in your relationships, and learn coping mechanisms for dealing with difficult situations. I love BWRT for processing trauma fast, and there is a very effective grief protocol which can also help healing the pain quicker. Otherwise my unique Body-EQ method helps you to work through trapped emotions in your body very effectively too.
6. Avoid rebound relationships: Take the time to heal and focus on yourself before jumping into a new relationship. Work with me (or whoever your therapist is) on your fear of being alone rather than rush into a new relationship too soon. Your future you will thank you for it. And there is enough time.
7. Forgive yourself and your ex: Forgiveness is a powerful tool for moving on. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made in the relationship and forgive your ex for any hurtful actions. If you struggle to forgive, think of doing it in increments. And work with your therapist to get through it.
Remember that healing is a process and it’s okay to take as much time as you need to get over a relationship. Be kind to yourself and trust that you will eventually find happiness and love again.