FAQ

Do you see individuals or just couples?
I mostly see couples, and typically what happens is after we've done the couple's work, one of them decides to carry on with me for further, deeper individual support (as they felt so comfortable with my process). So yes, I love working with individuals too! I'm passionately here for people wanting to grow, build their confidence, heal their relationship with themselves, and/or recover from trauma (including affair discovery or divorce). 

What are your fees?
My prices are upmarket, high-ticket mentorship prices, and priced in USD.

Please note, though, I have limited space and a 3-week waitlist for sessions.

 

My 1:1 services are 4-5-figure investments, depending on the program.

 

My group programs are low 4-figure investments (and it is possible to split them into smaller 3-figure payments).

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My courses start at $17.

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Remember, to reset your relationship, understand what happened and how it got here so you can work on preventing it from getting here again. To be able to see each other with new respect and intimacy. To bring love back into the relationship and be role models for your children. To help your home become a haven again.. There is no price on that.

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Do you offer discounts?

I do have a certain amount of space available for those who really cannot afford my packages, especially for those earning Rands. These sessions are on a sliding scale.  Remember to state that you are looking for a special rate. 
 

My courses are also jam-packed with value. And if you'd like to be kept on the list, I do host free masterclasses, so sign up to my newsletter to stay updated (or email us and ask to be kept in the loop).

How do I pronounce your name?
Ti-hee-la, (Tequila with an h) but I really don't mind how you pronounce it. I'm used to hearing all sorts of renditions. Reaching out is what counts, not how to pronounce my name. But for those who are wondering what it means: it's Hebrew for Song of Praise.

How long are your sessions?
They're a minimum of 90 minutes but can extend to 5 hours for couples (full day).

For the assessment, depending on time-zone differences, I prefer to get it done over a day and a half. This is at least an 8-hour long process. 

Full-day workshops/intensives/marathons are usually five hours long, and I am flexible with start and end times but it needs to include some time for a lunch break (where I can restructure our afternoon session according to what was learned during our morning together. 
E.g. we can start at 10.30 and then break at 12.30 for lunch (where I gather my notes from what was learned during the morning sessions and restructure our sessions for the afternoon). Then start again at 2 pm and end at 5 pm. Or 9.00-11.30 then 13.00 until 16.00.

Time zones would need to be taken into consideration.
 
How many sessions will it take? And what if I'm not sure I want to stay in the relationship?
My 90-day container has the ability to turn your relationship around! This is a weekly commitment (and varies from 90 minutes per person or 3-hour couples sessions) for 12 weeks. I've never seen a program do as much for couples in such a short amount of time. 

 

For those unsure of wanting to work on the marriage, I recommend first signing up for the 30-Day Bootcamp and deciding from there what you want to do. This Bootcamp gives you big insights into what sabotaging beliefs and issues were tripping up your marriage, as well as what it would take to rebuild, and we even work on a trigger or two in the process so that you can feel confident with whatever decision you decide to take.

Who do you not work with?
I work with people who want to learn and grow, at least at an individual level. You do not have to know how to fix things, just that you want to. 

I do not work with anyone who doesn't want to be there or feel they have anything to learn and so do not want to participate in the process - where (s)he may feel that it's purely the partner's fault and so they are not willing to learn and grow from the mentorship process.

I do not work with couples where there is ongoing domestic violence.

I do not work with couples where one or both partners have an addiction that is not currently being treated.

I do not work with couples where I feel individual therapy is more important and they don't go to it. 
 
What is your success rate?
With a commitment to hear, learn, and participate my success rate is really high! Read some testimonials here (no names due to client confidentiality), or call me to get to know me better!
 
Do you accept medical aid?
No. 

Why a relationship assessment?
Read more here.
 
My standard big assessment allows me a deeper insight into your relationships (past and present) so that I can better help you both build a stronger home. Through the assessment, we are going beyond just treating the symptoms to the deeper cause of the problems so we can work on issues deeper and more accurately.
 
My partner doesn't want to come with me to couples counseling.
Here is a lovely article on this: "Dear Husband [or wife] who Won't Come To Therapy ".
 
If you were both sitting on either side of a plant and I asked you each to draw it, you would draw me two different pictures. Because of your different abilities to draw and also because of your different perspectives on the same plant. Couples counseling with just one partner is much harder because I only get to see your perspective on the situation. However, couples counseling can work if the other refuses to come. It's just a much slower process and not always as effective. But I can teach you the tools and you take them home to try them out. Coming together to the sessions is preferable though, as I do a full MRI (assessment) and then we work together on the hurdles.

What if my partner doesn't like talking about his (usually him) feelings? 
I am a directive coach, meaning I take the lead when needed and will guide you both to feel very comfortable and supported in the sessions. I've also been in the industry for many many years, and have tools for helping partners who don't think they have much to say.

What if I'm not sure if we still want to work on our marriage?

It depends. Are you ambivalent or are you actually sure you don't want to be married anymore, but don't know how to tell or convince your partner? If so, it's a conversation I rather suggest you have with your personal therapist to support you (or a single session with me).

My ambivalent couples (even if they're 99% out) have all appreciated the assessment a lot. They find it gives great insights into what got them there, and what it will actually take to heal. This makes it easier to make a decision from there. 

Those who do decide to divorce after the assessment are grateful for the clarity (and don't mind not using the rest of the 30 days). Those who decide to work on their relationship after the assessment are very grateful for the foundations we lay based on the new findings and fresh insights.

What if we've tried therapy before but we're still unhappy?
I do things differently. 
 

• Our sessions are a minimum of 90 minutes each (we start with longer sessions from 3-6 hours long with couples). These longer sessions allow us to get done in a day that would typically take weeks. (And for those of you worried about longer sessions being too long - I often hear those concerns, but ALL my clients comment how fast the time then goes and how grateful they are for the time to fully process and be heard). 

• I am more directive. I don't just nod my head and listen (like movies can poorly illustrate a therapist's role).

• I offer plenty of strategies (based on my deep thirst for practical knowledge and tools) but I also use mindset, visualizations, emotional intelligence, and somatic (body) work, and I am spiritually led (Christian without judgment or condemnation).

• ​I do not judge. My clients all comment somewhere along the line about how safe they feel with me. I see you for who you really are until you do too. And you're not bad - like you might think you are.

• I am selective with whom I work. I do not work with anyone who is not committed to growing; with couples who are in abusive relationships if they're not seeking individual therapy for that at the same time; where addiction is active. The selection process makes sure we are a great fit and have the best chance for success for you!

• I do an assessment with my couples. After many years I noticed that the symptoms (usually poor communication) are a result of many childhood elements, and so we do a deep assessment to make sure we work on all the layers and not just the presenting symptoms.

• I use BWRT (Brainworking Recursive Technique) to help deactivate active triggers and traumatic memories (especially useful for affair recovery and bad childhood experiences that keep showing up).

• I believe in you until you do too. 

• I believe trusting yourself is vital to any relationship's depth and success and is a big factor in our work.

• I offer containers based on a deep understanding of how things typically work for my couples (yet very individually tailored). My work isn't just theoretical fluff but practical and transformational (if you're committed to learning about yourself in the process).

Your longer sessions - aren't they too long? ... how do we keep talking for up to 3 hours?
I've been offering longer sessions for many years now (based on the terrific success rate of the Gottman's Marathon sessions), and my couples, despite their hesitations at first, have expressed gratitude for this. 

Longer sessions mean we can get deeper in conversations per session, and give you both a chance to be heard. It also means we will need fewer sessions and have less time spent catching up. 

 

All my clients are surprised at how fast the time goes!

 

The longer sessions also allow calm buffer space for internet lag, or tea breaks should you desire.

Why should I see a Relationship coach?
If you are struggling with food, happiness, relationship issues, past hurts, and betrayals or find yourself very hard on yourself there's a good chance that shame is ruining your relationships. My job is to help you release triggers, recognize the unhelpful self-criticism, and break bad habits so that you can accurately see who you are and live life with purpose.

 

Please note, that anything that falls outside my scope of practice would need referring out (mental illness and severe distress).
 
What is a Mentor / Alchemist / Coach? 
In brief, mentors are more goal-orientated than therapists. They have fewer regulations therefore able to work more freely internationally. This does have its drawbacks as anyone can claim themselves as a coach or mentor without having the education or expertise to help you.

With my background in psychology and my decade in private practice, I use ethical guidelines and expertise to guide my work with you, but I use the freedom and goal-oriented process of coaching to get you maximum results.

Please note: In working with me as your mentor, I am not a therapist and I am not protected by the HPCSA. The HPCSA and our regulatory authorities do not recognize online work as safe and therefore they do not recommend it. I follow all the procedures to make our sessions as safe as possible (secure e-mail hosting, paid Zoom that is HIPAA compliant; securely locked document storage, etc); but it is still at your own risk and I do not accept any responsibilities for any liabilities or faults arising from our work together. 

With nearly 10 years in the field, and online for a few years now, I have mastered the art of online work, but I still do not and cannot accept responsibility for the risks involved in doing online work with me.

Are all coaches 'equal'?
Unfortunately not. There are many institutions offering brief counseling and coaching courses and thereafter people call themselves counselors, coaches, or therapists. The only legitimate counselors are those who are licensed. They have a university degree and post-graduate degree (honors/master's degree) and are registered with the HPCSA (the Health Professions Council of South Africa). All doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and counselors need to be registered with them. They are the ethical and protective counsel to protect the public. Counselors who have registered with the HPCSA have done their post-graduate degrees in psychology, completed a stringent board exam, and done at least 6 months of supervised training.

My counseling career and background give me an incredible advantage in my coaching and help me support my clients safely. I am trauma-informed.

Are you a Christian?
Yes. But I find this rather hard to answer. There are so many divisions within Christianity. I am spiritual, and I believe I have a lovely relationship with God & Jesus. But I also don't believe in excluding anyone due to religious beliefs (or lack thereof) and so, only talk about religion if you want to. My beliefs and relationship with Jesus are personal, but I also know that for those of us who are spiritual/religious, our faith is a big part of our identity! Therefore, I do talk about religion, should you wish to in our sessions.
I am not here to judge anyone though, it's unethical, and more importantly, judging people does not fit with me as a person. 
 
When are you available?
I am available during the week during normal office hours, and 2 days a week until 7 pm (in the Summer), and also do weekends for INTENSIVES (for couples that fly in to see me). Please contact my assistant at 028 001 0555 or info@thecouplesconnection.com to book your sessions.

 

I also offer fly-in elite services where I can meet you at a location of your choosing (at a public space like a lodge / hotel with conference facilities). These week-long intensives are incredible.

Do you work on Saturdays?
I work one Saturday a month. I do full weekend intensives for couples that fly in to see me too. 

Do you see international clients?
I love seeing clients across the globe. 

Do you have other questions?
Please contact me by clicking here, and feel free to ask away. There are NO 'stupid' questions. I honestly look forward to hearing from you.

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